The lost.

Hi, its been awhile right im not posting and update about my life. its hard for me to share. idk when will i ready to share or to express my feelings. maybe here is the best place to share i guess? if you found this, maybe you’re the lucky one cause im not sharing this to others but you can read it from here. So…… where to start?

Hmmm, okay i’ve been so stress lately. theres something happens in my life that i could never imagine and this shit is the thing that i never asked for and dont want it happen to me but who knows, if Allah said you can get it one day, then you have to face it. it depends how i react and handle this situations. I would say that my life was ruined since last year (2023) be more specific, it was July a week before my birthday. I always wish that i have an amazing birthday every year but i didn’t get once :) i thought last year will be the best birthday year but im was wrong. 

theres one moment when i already knew the truth. at first theres something fishy but i tried to ignore it because like what i said, it will never happend to my life, and i was wrong right? so it happened. it hurts me alot. i couldnt imagine how hurt i am. i didnt eat for a month, i lost my weight from 42kg. to 35kg. when i knew the truth, the net day i become sick and more sick until i almost admitted. on that time i know that i have a disease where idk where and how i got from. sound like funny right? but it happens to me. and until now i will get all those symptoms but i always ignore it because i dont want it to become worst. after i knew those disease and symptoms, i thought the shit will be ended. but I WAS WRONG AGAIN. can you imagine i have to face so many things at one time? this shit become more worst day by day, i lost my appetite, i lost everything at the same time. i lost the people that i love the most, i lost hope, i lost my soul, i dont happy at all. i tried to e happy but i cant. i have to pretend that im okay in front of everyone but i failed. When was my happy day? or my happy time? NONE. i would say until now im struggling with my life. I drained. im still battling with my life.  Every single day i found a lot of proof, i cant keep them but i can remember them. its so painful. idk why this happen to me? why people dont want me to be happy?

I rebel, i do a lots of things that i can distract myself.i become more eager, more risker and sometimes i feel like i dont give a fuck to anyone, especially to who hurts me. sometimes i like to see the people hurts me getting hurts. because that thing can make me feel better. am i a bad person? n right? I become a fangirl now back. the things that i left for a long time, it reappear back because i want to satisfy myself and distract myself from things that will make me hurt 

I know this shit happened because Allah wanna show me somethings, the loyalty, the patience, the sincerity, the love, the appreciation, He misses me. maybe i have to change myself lf become more ti Him. I blame myself for this. but i will never forget who makes me worse everyday. I apologised myself but i dont apologise to the person who makes me. If i said i hate you until i die i will hate you. even you asked for sorry, but the forgiveness is not for you. find me in hell. i dont care. you owed me. you took all my happiness, you ruined my life until i lost myself. i will never forgive you. 

yes im mad. im mad to the people who did shit to me. i become more anger until i cant control myself because they never want to clean up their mess to me. idk how to ending this. i wish one day i know the answer and i have my happiness back.things changes, people changes, hopes changes. everything changed. i wish the best from. me. i believe Allah will give me what i want back. I believe onnly Allah that can help me. InsyaAllah. 

I will update soon…..bye.

Br, the lost girl. 

MY FIRST LANY CONCERT IN 2022

Hi guys! how's life? I'm so excited for this writing because its been a long long long time I stopped blogging.. I keep drafting my writing because I don't want to share it public. Well, sometimes there are a lot of thing that you can keep it private. But this time, I wanna share about my first concert on 2022. Its a "A NOVEMBER TO REMEMBER" LANY's concert in Malaysia. 6 November 2022, at Axiata Arena Bukit Jalil, Kuala Lumpur.

"A NOVEMBER TO REMEMBER" is really hard to forget the moment because it was my first time seeing Paul in my real fucking life!!! I went with my best friend and her boyfriend. The concert was enjoyable and I had so much fun there!

Before I met them, how I know them is from my boyfriend. he's the one that always listen to LANY whenever we have night drive everyday. So the first song he gave me to listen was MALIBU NIGHT and of course everyone knows about that song because it quite popular and always be on top of the list song. So because of him, I love. LANY so so so much until I bought their concert ticket. to be honest, my boyfriend is supposed to be there with me. but because of he can't make it and afraid of no leave on that time, so he didn't be with me at the concert. its so sad for me tbh because he the one that make me fall in love with LANY. but its okay, I still have my bestfriend that can enjoy together with me instead.

"YOU!" song is the opening song for the concert. OKAY I TELL YOU HOW EXCITED I AM ON THAT TIME BECAUSE "YOU!" IS MY THE MOST FAV SONG FROM LANY. I COULD SAY THAT IT WAS THE BEST OPENING CONCERT THAT I EVER HAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE EVEN I HAD SO MANY CONCERT THAT I TEND BUT THIS ONE IS THE BEST!! I swear to god my voice on that time are hit different because of my excitement. hahaha. I sang from the beginning of the concert until in the end of the concert. and because I don't prepared any of their setlist, so I just waited for my other fav song that they might be sing on that time. "The Older You Get, The Less You Cry" is the song that I'm waiting for. but Paul only sang the chorus part and mashed up together with "Current Location". that moment I cried a lot because I didn't expect him to sing that song. and I thought they gonna sing the whole song :( but its okay, I still enjoy their other song <3<3<3 below are the most fav pictures that I took and I  would like to share with you guys. but more pictures and videos is on my instagram. @neddynadzri is my ig if you wanted to. so go see them on my feed and my highlight story!

Okay I just remembered about one thing that happened to me at the live concert. okay if you can see at the first picture me and my best friend, I wore the cross neck shirt for the concert. I didn't realised that stadium was huge and have air-condition there!!! that's why I wore that. then before the concert start, my best friend.and I was thirsty so we both tried to go find some mineral water outside the stadium. and on that time I'm freezing asf so what I did was I bought LANY march with RM200++ for a T-shirt. I changed my clothe because I can't hold it anymore. you can see from the picture above the one with tie-dyed T-shirt. I feel that I am not supposed to buy anything there because I need to save my money but because I wore that cross neck shirt, I lost my RM200+ for one t-shirt :(( but when the concert just started, I think that the shirt is worth it for me because I had a wonderful moment enjoying the concert. so I don't think the t-shirt is a big waste for me. because why not? its happened once a year. I met LANY once in my entire life. So I'm proud of myself because I bought one of their merch <3

I think that's all that I wanna share with you guys! I don't have any idea because I still felt excited for the LANY concert.

LANY's girl,

Nadrah <3